We all have insecurities. That’s not anything new to anyone.
We also have our own ways of coping with our insecurities, again, nothing new here. And with all coping mechanisms, there is one more obvious fact I want to share: some are good and some are bad.
So what’s a good way to cope with insecurity?
And that’s a good question in itself. Because we’re all different, with different lives and experiences, and what works for some, may not work for others.
But let me start off by sharing one of my insecurities.
And this is going to be hard for me to share.
I’m not even gonna lie or downplay this. But I truly believe this is an important idea.
Something I struggle with, and one that is common among a lot of people, is the insecurity of the overwhelming feeling of “not being good enough”.
Saying that a lot of people also struggle with these type of feelings is not to disregard the seriousness in this issue, but rather, to bring more attention to it, because I believe a lot of us don’t handle these feelings in a healthy way.
A lot of us, when we feel worthless or ignored, we don’t try to figure out WHY we feel this way. Actually, many of us, my self included, take actions, sometimes desperate actions, to block out these negative emotions, almost always in the form of external validation.
This includes making posts on social media, hitting up friends that you can vent your emotions to, and finally, one of the more dangerous ones, seeking the attention of strangers to validate yourself, typically in the form of online dating.
We want that feeling of being “valuable” to someone. For someone to “like” us, “match” us, or just tell us we’re right. We don’t want to face the dark emotions that get brought up to the surface when we’re all alone in our heads.
We’re tempted and fall prey to the ever emerging narcissistic, self-obsessed culture of that social media portrays today. We see others and how perfect their life seems to be and we wonder, why am I not like them? Why do they look so happy? Why can’t I be happy?
And because of all of this, we crave attention, but not necessarily it’s the attention is what we crave, but the impulsive desire to “stop the bleeding” that is our own insecurities.
When we choose this route, all we end up is feeling empty, once more. It’s like a cup, with a small hole in the bottom. You fill it up, but it only returns back to emptiness.
What I think it is, is that we’ve forgotten how to be sad. Sadness, like joy, is another emotion. Deprive yourself of it too long, you forget that it’s normal to feel sad sometimes. And because you don’t know how to deal with these emotions, you try to run away from them, but they always catch back up, often in times when we’re not ready, and that’s when it consumes us and pulls us down. That’s when we make the choices we later regret.
And this is something that I’m glad is getting a lot of attention, though still, maybe it’s not enough.
It’s just so common these days to “feel depressed”, and in a lot of ways, idealized and romanticized in some twisted thinking people.’
Our cries for help are not healthy. They don’t fix the problem, but rather reinforce the belief that what we did then and there, it worked. Maybe we cut our self. Maybe we shut people out. Maybe we cried and cried, and put ourselves down until we felt nothing but a shell of who we were, desperately reaching out for someone to save us.
And guess what? Someone came to your rescue. And that’s not to say it’s a bad thing, but again, it subconsciously tells us that what we did, or how we acted, is what works, even if it’s not the best solution.
The big question is, how do you fix something like this?
I think, the first step is always to realize that there is a problem. The second step is to realize the way you’ve been handling this problem has been wrong. Again, these are not easy realizations, and it takes a lot of effort to not fall back on old habits.
The 3rd step is to think of ways that would be a better response to those feelings of your insecurities.
And step 4? Do it. Suffer through the pain, but in a healthy way this time.
Like they say, sometimes the only way up is through.
thanks for reading,