Something that I’ve revealed here in the past, one of which I still, to this day, feel very passionate about, is that I’m a very vivid dreamer. I have several dreams every night, most of which I can remember if I try. Granted, not all dreams seem to have significant importance, but there are those that I can’t help but feel they do. These would be the dreams that often have the same theme or core problems in them. It’s the dream that I keep dreaming over and over and over again.
And when I wake up I wonder, why this dream again? What is it about this person that I keep dreaming about, or this problem that I keep having that seems to be so important?
I then wonder to myself, is it a unconscious message to myself that I need to speak to them, or the foreseen problem is one that is about to happen?
It’s crazy, I know, but you can’t but wonder….why?
I haven’t been shy about writing on here that I, like many others, have been hurt before. I’ve dealt with pain far beyond I would wish upon anyone. That’s not to say that people haven’t had a worse time than myself, but rather, when people talk about how messed up their lives are, often times, I know exactly where they’re coming from, even if they think they’re alone.
But there’s this burning question that consumes me almost every day. It’s a question that bothers me right to my core, that which I think is the source of my troubled dreams.
And what’s that question?
When do you give up?
And that’s broad, broad question, I know. But it applies to so much of what’s going on in my life.
When do I give up pursuing something that I know will never work out?
When do I give up wanting the best for someone who will never change?
When do I give up putting the needs of others ahead of my own?
And these are just a few of the questions that trouble me.
It seems like I can “change” just about everything recognizable in my life to something “new”. But it’s like these core problems still haunt me.
I think this goes back to the previous post I made in that I need to reach down and understand what is the driving motivation of why I do the things I do.
And that leads me to another question:
Is it easier to find out why you do things the way you do, or should we first understand what we’re doing them for?
That’s the million dollar question….what came first, the chicken or the egg?
thanks for reading,