I feel like this is going to be one of those sappy posts where I try to make myself, or who ever is reading this feel good. If not that, the initial presumption, based off the title, will give that pre-conceived perception of what this post might be about.
And, well, it might be exactly that, but I’m not trying to make it like that. It’s not that I’m against sappy self-improvement posts, that all they do is make you feel “empowered” or “strong”, but it’s more so I just want to be raw and authentic here. And that might come off a bit off-putting for some of those reading this, but at least you know.
Anyway, let me get on with my thoughts.
Over the past few months, as I’ve shared what I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been going through with several individuals, I seem to be getting a reoccurring response. That response?
You just need to work on yourself now.
At first, my response to that would be very defensive. And, it’s not that I feel as if I’m perfect, but the way it comes off when people say that to me is it’s as if they can immediately detect or perceive from me that there’s something wrong.
And let’s be honest, that’s a horrible truth, although an inevitable one, that something is wrong with who we are. Because, let’s face it; nobody is perfect.
But I think it’s not so much the fact that these people are telling me, but rather, it’s because I’m hearing this at a time where it’s most hard to accept. Maybe I’m a little bit too vulnerable, and maybe things hit a little bit to close, and maybe, worst of all, what everyone is say they’re absolutely correct.
So then, if they are right, what does that mean for me? I think it means one thing really:
I need to learn to be alone. I need to learn to enjoy my own company.
This is such a hard realization though, because, objectively, I can say I have been alone. Actually, for quite a long time at that, too. I can say that I’ve been living alone a long time.
But then I need to ask myself, has that actually been alone? And it hasn’t been.
I’ve let people into my life that maybe I shouldn’t have, and as a result, either myself or the other got hurt. And what do I do in response? Move on to the next victim.
It’s that manipulative, sly, sneaky, dishonest behavior that I, personally, hate, but at the end of the day, I, too, end up becoming exactly what I despise.
And I want to spare the details of the particular situation I’m in, but message I want to pull and relay to whoever may be reading this is this realization:
I sat there judging people for who they were, but I didn’t realize, I was just as bad, maybe worse.
It was actually a really good friend who pointed this out. Although it kind of hurt to hear it, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
So, what’s the message in all of this that I’d want you to take away? I think it was best put by the old religious texts themselves, but with a little twist.
Love your neighbor as yourself, because you’re a lot more like them than you probably realize.
thanks for reading,