I want to write about a curious thing that happened to me the other day.
These past few days, since last Friday actually, I have been feeling quite tired. And I mean that in a literal and metaphysical sense.
I was, indeed, quite tired, as I wasn’t getting enough sleep. In fact, the total hours I slept over the weekend was about 2.5 hours combined. Throw in the fact that I work 12 hour shifts from 12am-12pm both Saturday morning and Sunday morning, it was quite tough, to say the least. But I was also feeling emotionally tired. I tried to write, but I couldn’t. I tried to read, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to lay there and sleep.
Then, Monday, I was able to get around 6ish hours of sleep, which that’s what I’d normally get, though, it just didn’t feel like it was enough. In short, I was still exhausted, though had good reason, in my own opinion. I was still tired…obviously.
The next day, and the following days leading up into today, Thursday, almost a week later, I’ve not felt better, still, though I had tried to improve my sleep.
But here’s the funny thing….
Last night, in sort of a delirious, inattentive state, my wife and I had an argument. I won’t go into the details, but when things started to heat up and the tension was building, I told her, I don’t want to argue. I just don’t feel well.
She was yelling, I was trying my best not to yell back, but something was off. I was holding back this intense pressure building up, and, at the very moment I thought it was going to come out, I fell down, literally.
I felt as if all the energy in my body had disappeared. I was shaking. I didn’t know what was going on. I knew I wanted to get up, but I couldn’t. It was like I was disconnected from my body.
Was this a panic attack? I thought it was at first, but as I’ve been thinking about it I can’t quite tell, and I think it was something different.
It wasn’t until my wife, calming down, realized I was burning hot. I became aware of my throat being sore, and my nose was runny. I realized I was sick, actually sick.
But again, here’s the oddest thing. The whole week, in my struggle to stay mentally and physically engaged, I just thought I was tired and needed sleep. I didn’t even conceptualize the fact I could be sick. And throughout the week, I could only feel the weight of the stress piling on, furthering my tiredness, both physically and emotionally.
That’s when I thought, was it the stress that caused me to be sick, or was it the sickness that caused me to be stressed?
And I don’t know, but I think it was a bit of both.
What’s really cool and quite fascinating was the fact of how well this played in with the Libido theory of Carl Jung, which you can read more about in my last post below.
As I felt the stress continue to increase in the face of the obstacles of life in front of me, the more fatigued I became. I could feel the energy inside of me lessen. It felt as if I had no power. Not only that, but I became sensitive to other obstacles as well. I would become angry quicker, hungrier more often, and even sad much easier.
It was quite odd, for me that is. It all led up to last night, when I had, what Jung what describe as a neurosis.
Today, I’m feeling better, but still didn’t feel quite right. It wasn’t until I was able to talk with one of my co-workers about this issue. I was able to verbalize to him what I was going through. He pointed out some things that, to him, seemed obvious, but to me, I was genuinely amazed how I missed. Once he identified the obstacle in my life, I was then able to realize how to overcome it.
I’m beginning to feel alive again, ready to take on the world.
But this all makes me wonder, what’s to say this won’t happen again? How do I prepare for an obstacle I can’t even identify?
That’s tough, I think. It makes me wonder, as well, do other people have these problems too? I tell them to face their problems, but maybe they don’t even know what they are….
Then I thought, well, why can’t we just share our problems with each other? Why are we so reclusive these days? Is it that we’re afraid of being judged, even by the ones closest to us?
Is that all we need to solve this modern trend of depression? To just listen to each other without judgement? And not only that, but lay out solutions with them of how they can face their inner dragons?
Once again, that made me think, does my co-worker, the custodian of all people, realize what he did for me today? Does he realize how much he helped me?
That’s when I thought to myself, who knows how I might help someone, even if it’s as little as listening to someone for two minutes talk about their life, the same way I did to my co-worker.
That’s when I realized once again: the little things….they do matter. A lot.
Why do overlook the little things?
thanks for reading,